It’s the most wonderful time of the year again! Decorative lights illuminate the glowing shop windows, the air is sharp and cold, and there is so much peppermint in your food and holiday beverages that you might as well inject it intravenously. Houses start to smell like pine trees (or potato pancakes), people singing on street corners becomes pleasant instead of unsettling, and small children come to your house and beg for candy. I mean presents.

In all seriousness, this is one of my favorite times of the year, and along with raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, my favorite thing about this season is that beloved books from childhood once again make their way off the shelf and into my arms. To read, of course. Not to cuddle. (Well . . . I mean, sometimes it’s nice to cuddle . . . never mind.)

I’ve compiled my list of some favorites, and by that I mean I had Donny do some shopping at the bookstore for me and I picked the ones I liked best. Thanks Donny, I’ll reimburse you later. (He’s not getting reimbursed.)

1. The Tailor of Gloucester (Beatrix Potter)

The author of “Peter Rabbit” never disappoints. An elderly tailor is commissioned to finish a waistcoat for a man of great importance, and it has to be ready by Christmas, which is the next day. The tailor sends his faithful cat, Simpkin, to go buy the twist of cherry-colored silk needed for the trimming, as well as some dinner. While Simpkin the cat goes off into the streets of Gloucester to buy the twist, the Tailor finds some mice under a tea cup that the cat had captured earlier, as cats do, and he releases them. When Simpkin returns and finds his mice have escaped with help from the Tailor, he hides the twist. For revenge. (Speaking from experience, this is pretty realistic. My cat hides my stuff all the time when she’s miffed.)

I won’t tell you the rest. (Spoilers!) But it’s a charming story that has entertained me for years, and the fact that it’s written for children shouldn’t stop you from enjoying this beautifully told and illustrated story. What are the holidays for, if not nostalgia?

2. Nicholas St. North and the Battle of the Nightmare King (William Joyce)

This is the first book in the Guardians of Childhood series, written by William Joyce, who’s also the man behind a few of your favorite animated movies. This series inspired the Dreamworks film Rise of the Guardians, although the movie differs from the book in several ways.

In this first book, Nicholas St. North, a young rogue with a heavy Russian accent and two very kick-ass swords, is called upon to defend a secret and magical colony of children from the Nightmare King. That’s not a detailed summary, I know, but this is a great book and I want you all to go out and read it. Your kids will love it. Don’t have kids? Pretend you do when you buy the book, then read it at home in your favorite armchair with some milk and cookies. Because you’re an adult and it’s Christmas, dammit.

3. The Latke Who Couldn’t Stop Screaming (Lemony Snicket)

I’ll read anything written by Lemony Snicket, and this book is the best Christmas-Hanukkah mashup story ever written. The story begins with the birth of a latke (“a word which here means, ‘potato pancake’”). This latke, who comes into the world screaming, jumps out of the frying pan and runs from the house, encountering Christmas decorations along the way who simply don’t understand the significance of the latke or Hanukkah. Understandably, the poor misunderstood potato pancake screams in frustration after each encounter, until finally he is taken in by a Jewish family who reheat him:

It is very frustrating not to be understood in this world. If you say one thing, and keep being told that you mean something else, it can make you want to scream. But somewhere in the world there is a place for all of us, whether you are an electric form of decoration, a peppermint scented sweet, a source of timber, or a potato pancake. On a cold, snowy night, everyone and everything should be welcome somewhere. And the Latke was welcome into a home full of people who understood what a latke is and how it fits into its particular holiday.

And then they ate it.

4. Hershel and the Hanukkah Goblins (Eric Kimmel)

I’m not Jewish, but this book was read to me throughout my childhood, and it’s one of my favorites. Hershel, a popular figure from Jewish folklore, stumbles upon a town whose people haven’t lighted their menorahs on the first night of Hanukkah. When he inquires as to why, the town tells him that goblins who haunt the synagogue prevent them from doing so. They break their dreidels and terrorize the people. So Hershel, a trickster, decides to outwit the goblins and break their curse. Through a series of fantastical encounters that I will not spoil, including a rather scary encounter with the Goblin King, Hershel is able to break the power of the goblins on the town. (There’s also some great art in this book.)

5. A Christmas Carol (Charles Dickens)

Of course, how can I make a list about holiday children’s stories and not talk about my all-time favorite, A Christmas Carol? Written because Dickens was short on cash and needed some (quick), A Christmas Carol tells the story of a miserly old man who no longer recognizes the joys of Christmas and only values, well, money. The irony. He’s then visited by the ghost of his dead business partner, Jacob Marley, who is chained and forced to wander the earth because he put profit over people or something. In a last-ditch effort to save Scrooge’s soul, three spirits appear to him over the course of three nights. The story both thrills and chills its readers, and has stood the test of time for a very good reason, but it’s often abridged or shortened for kids because of the complexity. If you have kids, please don’t do that to them! They’re smarter than you think, and will cherish this book for years.

Donny tells me that I’ve run out of time. Donny is a Grinch. What are your favorite books to read this time of year?

I’ve been a musical theater nerd since I was a wee babbie.  In fact, I used to dream of performing on Broadway someday (ha), and even though I haven’t made it to the Great White Way, I still sing songs from musicals every chance I get. I have never been ashamed of this. I am a ham.

But one of my favorite things, as somebody who adores musical theater and also has a passionate love of books, is getting to see those two things come together into one big Song-and-Dance-and-Story fest. When the characters from my favorite novels come tap-dancing out under the stage lights, I am filled with effervescent joy. (That’s right, I said effervescent. Probably sounded just as creepy out loud as it did in my head, didn’t it?)

But it isn’t always rainbows and lollipops. Sometimes these adaptations are terrible. Sometimes, the things Broadway does to great novels are absolutely horrendous. Straight-up nightmare fuel. Or at least bad enough to make me want to distance myself from everything connected to them.

So here’s my top three best and worst of literary Broadway:

THE BEST

Baroness Orczy at work

The Scarlet Pimpernel: Based on the novel by Baroness Emma “Emmuska” Orczy, this beloved musical follows Sir Percival Blakeney as he employs his wits (and wealth) in saving aristocrats from the guillotine during the French Revolution. Hot on his heels is the villainous Chauvelin, dedicated to catching the elusive “Scarlet Pimpernel,” Blakeney’s alter ego. Caught in the middle is Sir Percy’s wife, Lady Marguerite, who’s starting to think the man she married is a complete imbecile (his stupidity is an act to throw her off his tracks). Then she’s forced to aid Chauvelin in his quest to catch the Pimpernel, if she wants to save her brother’s life. Drama ensues. The music ranges from emotional ballads to hilarious comedic ditties. The plot differs significantly from the book (which focuses on Marguerite and her discovery of who the Pimpernel is, while the musical focuses more on the character of Sir Percy), but it stays true to the book’s adventurous spirit. Sir Percy remains the perfect British fop, Marguerite remains the witty but tortured heroic woman, and Chauvelin remains the beady-eyed falcon stalking his prey.

Jefferson Mays

A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder: The 2014 Tony Award-winning show A Gentleman’s Guide is the new comedy I’ve been yearning for. It’s based on Kind Hearts and Coronets, a film starring Alec Guinness (of Obi-Wan fame). However, most people don’t know that the film’s source material is, in fact, a rare and almost-forgotten book: Israel Rank: The Autobiography of a Criminal. In all three stories, the son of a disinherited woman decides to take revenge and kill the eight relatives ahead of him, so he can become an Earl. How could that plot be comedic?

Well, first of all, the relatives kind of deserve it. The selfish son of a banker who takes advantage of women; the rich older woman who wants to do good in the world (and make sure everyone knows she’s doing it, mind you); the manic patriarch who simply “can’t understand the poor.” All eight are portrayed by one actor, the talented Jefferson Mays, for some incredible comic relief. Of course, a story like this wouldn’t be complete without a love triangle: the handsome Monty Navarro, the titular gentleman, balances his murderous ways with his love affair with the beautiful (and married) Sibella, and later he romances his distant and pious cousin Phoebe. How will it end? Probably not well, I’m going to be honest. The play’s about murder, and Monty is narrating from prison. But there’s a whole lot of fun along the way.

This play existed! And it was good! I swear!

A Tale of Two Cities: I will defend this musical with my life. I adore it. I adore the source material. True, the play had a very short run and the only copy of it you can see is the 2010 concert version that was filmed for PBS, but it’s worth it anyhow. Another show set during the French revolution, this one features the doomed Sydney Carton, a damaged alcoholic lawyer who falls in love with the beautiful Lucy Mannette, and it doesn’t disappoint. The music alone is enough to make you love this play. Madame Defarge gets some serious song time, belting out songs fueled with rage and a lust for revolution. Lucy and Charles Darnay are sappy and sweet but, nevertheless, still human. And Sydney…do not get me started on how I adore each and every one of Sydney Carton’s songs. And his jokes. (I love the broken, beaten, damaged heroes, you see.) And of course, there’s his chilling closing line: “It is a far, far better thing I do than I have ever done…It is a far, far better rest I go to than I have ever known.” (I’m crying now. Look what you’ve done.) Sure, the play is nothing like the novel. Sydney gets way more attention, and so does Lucy, for that matter. And the play lacks Dickens’ subtlety, but the heart of the story is still there. Everything is beautiful and everything hurts.

THE WORST

*shakes head sadly*

Dracula: Oh, how I wanted to like this musical. I really, really did. The original novel by Bram Stoker is a classic, one that I enjoyed (though admittedly it took a second read). I also love the composer, Frank Wildhorn, and some of the songs were actually beautiful on their own. But the musical as a whole is a giant bundle of awkwardness. The story stays true to the original narrative, but things become remarkably less threatening when the monster you’re hunting starts singing at you threateningly. It was a better idea on paper than in practice; some things just do not translate into musical theater. I know that now. I have a confession, though: I did download several of the songs from iTunes in a moment of weakness. I like “Loving You Keeps Me Alive” and “At Last,” ok? I have no defense for purchasing “Life After Life,” though. I’m garbage. Musical theater addict garbage.

Wuthering Heights: I have to admit I never liked the book much, and the musical is much, much worse. With hit songs such as “Cathy” and “They Say He’s a Gypsy,” this show is laughably terrible. Highlights, you ask? “CATHYYYY, ONLY YOU ARE REAL TO ME. CATHYYYY ONLY YOU CAN SET ME FREE. IN A WORLD WHERE I HATE ALL I FIND, ONLY YOU EASE THE PAIN IN MY MIND.” I did not make this up. Those are direct quotes. Revel in Heathcliff’s angst. Revel in it.

Love never dies…but sometimes it should.

Love Never Dies: We get it, Andrew Lloyd Webber. You’ll always be remembered for Phantom of the Opera, and you couldn’t let it go. The fans couldn’t let it go. Scores of screaming fangirls cried for our beloved Phantom, wanting him to be happy. As someone who used to scream “WHY DID CHRISTINE CHOOSE RAOUL???” every day (middle school was…a dark time), I can say from experience that you have to be careful what you wish for. That’s right, ALW made a sequel to Phantom.

Based on the book The Phantom of Manhattan by Frederick Forsyth, which is proof that anyone can write fanfiction and make a living on it, the story picks up ten years after the original one left off. The Phantom, now the head of a freak show on Coney Island (along with Madame Giry and Meg, for some reason), pines for Christine, who is coincidentally coming to America to sing, because of course she is. So the Phantom invites her to sing for him instead, and if she won’t sing for him, he’ll kill her ten-year-old son. Skip ahead (SPOILER ALERT!), and there’s a stunningly beautiful moment when the Phantom learns he can do math and discovers that Christine’s kid is actually his, because OF COURSE IT IS. So yes, we should have just accepted the tragic ending of the first musical and left it at that.

Now that I’ve exposed myself as pop-punk-loving trash with that post title (this season I’m thankful for Fall Out Boy), I want to talk to you about one of the best things in the world: Thanksgiving. Why is it great? No, not because we get to stuff our faces with delicious turkey, or croissants. It’s because it’s the one day of the year when Americans stop complaining about all that crap we don’t have (like that report I needed on my desk two weeks ago, Donny) and appreciate with a full (ha) heart all the stuff we do have, like the love and support of our families, our jobs, our friends, and of course, our books.

The staff of Lanternfish came together recently to share the books that we’re thankful for. (Except for Donny. Donny doesn’t read. Donny isn’t real. Shh, nobody tell him.)

Christine:

Okay, books I’m thankful for this year…the first one is a no-brainer. It’s gotta be something by Gabriel García Márquez, the granddaddy of magical realism (may he rest in peace, and may his hair turn into a river of copper that grows and grows for all time). I think I’m going to go with The Incredible and Sad Tale of Innocent Eréndira and Her Soulless Grandmother. It was the first thing I read by Márquez, in a Spanish class when I was fifteen, and it became my gateway drug: an introduction not just to magical realism but also to how much power fiction has to throw you into the perspective of someone very different from you — maybe someone who’s powerless and voiceless and forgotten by the world, except in this book, where she gets to speak.

My second choice is Robert Hilburn’s biography of Johnny Cash, one of my favorite things that I read this year. It’s a long read, maybe a little too long, but worth it, because you get to watch a passionate and complicated life unfold in such detail that in the end you feel like you’ve actually experienced life in someone else’s shoes. The story is told fairly, respectfully, but unflinchingly. I learned a ton about the music industry in the 20th century, about the tensions between living life and making art, and about the soul of an extraordinary man.

Amanda:

First, Lord of the Rings! This book is deeply linked with my childhood. My father bought a leatherbound edition when I was born and started reading it to me (I kid you not) the day I came home from the hospital. So many of my early memories center around this story. Like that time when my dad told me if I ate enough mushrooms I would turn into a hobbit. That didn’t end well. I’m not sure if I was more upset because I was sick, or because I didn’t actually turn into a hobbit. I’d be a very different person without this book in my life.

My second choice is Carrying the Fire: An Astronaut’s Journeys, by Michael Collins. I got curious about this book after I watched a documentary about the Apollo program. I was charmed by Collins’s humility and dry humor in his interviews. The book recounts Collins’s experience as the third member of the Apollo XI mission — the guy who didn’t get to walk on the moon. The way that Collins tells his story is humble and humanizing, a breath of fresh air. The book reminded me of how small and insignificant I am in the scope of the universe, but in a way that was inspiring and empowering too.

Katarina:

A Wrinkle in Time will hold a special place in my heart forever. It was one of the first books my dad ever read to me, and arguably is responsible for me falling in love with books in general. The incredible characters of Mrs. Whatsit, Mrs. Who, Mrs. Which, and Aunt Beast are still vivid in my imagination. I can still relate to Meg Murray, that young girl struggling to fit in, and I can still feel in awe of her baby brother Charles Wallace, a genius at the age of 6. I loved everything about this book and the special meaning it has for me and my father (who pulled a Jim Dale and voiced every single character in the most theatrical way possible).

The Scarlet Pimpernel, on the other hand, has special familial connections with my mother.  She’s the one who introduced me to the heroic, mysterious hero who saved aristocrats from the guillotine in revolutionary France. My favorite thing about this book, besides it being the first real superhero story (beat it, Batman) that starred a charming and genuinely good man, was that this story focused mostly on his wife, Marguerite. She is such an incredible character, balancing her past and her future, trying to save her brother with the talents and opportunities she’s given, and is ultimately the one responsible for saving her husband. Baroness Orczy won me over with this story, and the fact that I associate it with my mom is just another reason why I’m forever grateful it exists.

Julia:

Les Miserables is one of the books that sparked my interest in studying literature and pursuing a publishing career. I first “read” the book after my grandmother gave me a copy around the time I was in middle school. I fell in love with the story, but at such a young age I wasn’t able to fully grasp its literary qualities. It wasn’t until I re-read the book in high school that I was able to connect more dots, pick out symbolism, and see the transformation of characters from start to end.

My fourth-grade teacher would often read books aloud to the class, mostly stories by Roald Dahl. The BFG was one story that always stuck with me growing up. As a child, I found the idea of someone or something being able to take away my nightmares a pleasant and welcome one. Dahl was able to transform the giant from a terrifying monster into one of the most lovable characters of my childhood. Who wouldn’t want their own Big Friendly Giant?

1984

In Murder, She Wrote (of beloved 80s memory), New York publishing is quite a glamorous profession. But humble Jessica Fletcher, from a tiny town in Maine, isn’t going to let success change her, gosh darn it! Here’s what happens when she goes to visit her editor in New York City.

1. It’s sad in here. The editor has forgotten about us. And we put on fancy clothes and everything. Nice drapes, though.

because editors are too busy and important to remember appointments, obv

2. There goes the editor! OMG quick, catch him! This may be our only chance, he’s got VIP meetings from here to next April!

i’d stop and chat but, you know, private jet waiting

3. The New York editor’s fancy publishing job has bought him a shiny mansion.

bouquet of peach with a ketchupy aftertaste…wait why are you dressed like peter pan again

4. With a butler and everything.

i knew i should have majored in accounting

2014

30 years later, the industry seems to have fallen on some hard times. Pinky the Penguin REALLY needs that next bestseller. Or else.

1. The office is a bit of a fixer-upper.

good price we promis

2. The roof leaks and the walls are a little crackly.

drip drip drip drip drippity drip

3. But at least we’ve still got heat!

i really think pink is your colo

4. And sweet state of the art computer equipment.

wait a minute larry i forgot my aol password

Halloween is here, and like everyone else on the internet, we’re super stoked. Like every year, we’re trying to decide what costumes to don before we venture out into the streets in pursuit of candy. (You’re absolutely never too old to beg for free candy). But even if you aren’t planning on going trick-or-treating, you’re going to want a killer costume. Don’t you want to be the guy that everybody talks about for the rest of the evening with awe? Of course you do. That’s what we’re here for.

So how do you show off your literary prowess while also showing off your costume skills? Leave that to us. (Note: In case you want to get into couple’s costumes with your significant other or bestest friend, each of these includes a “For You & The Boo” section, for some tips on what your costume could be paired with. I chose “boo” because it is both a term of endearment and a thing ghosts say. Get it? It’s festive.)

1. Captain Ahab

Two words: Peg leg!!! How great would it be to walk around your party dressed as a grungy, unkempt old sailor with a missing leg and a terrible attitude? Imagine the beard, the great old age makeup you could do, and the props! (One word: harpoon.) You could go around all night asking partygoers to help you find the Great White Whale, although this could go from entertaining to annoying very quickly if you overact.

For You & the Boo: Convince your best friend or significant other to dress as Moby Dick (literal or figurative), and then tie a rope to each other. Maintain the dead but horrified look on your face as your partner moves angrily through the waves of partygoers.

2. Julius Caesar

Take a bed sheet, wrap it around you like a toga, find some laurels to place on your head, and then go crazy with the fake blood. (Feel free to make your own, and let me know if it works; I’m still looking for some good fake blood recipes). Smear that all over your face, your toga, your arms, just go to town. If you’re really good with things like spirit gum and prosthetics, add some wounds. Then walk around the party all night, stumbling and wide-eyed, and clutch the person next to you and moan, “Et…tu…Brute?” Then collapse. That’s the fun.

For You & the Boo: Get your best friend or significant other to dress as Mark Antony and have them recite the “Friends! Romans! Countrymen!” speech after you die.

3. The Snow Queen

What’s cooler than being cool? Being ice cold.

Okay, okay…

The only problem with this costume is that you could be confused with Elsa from Frozen, but if you’ve got any anxiety about being mistaken for her, you should let it go. (I know what I did. Sorry I’m not sorry.) All you’ve got to do is go all out on this costume: White dress instead of blue, use a muff, wear one of those Russian fur hats, (you can definitely use faux fur, as long as it looks convincing. You think an ice queen cares about animal welfare? She does not.) Emphasize the ice aspect of the snow queen, and maybe carry around a mirror with the word “Eternity” on it. Then when people ask you to sing, you can bash them over the head with your prop. Everybody wins.

For You & the Boo: The Snow Queen has no boo. She is the Snow Queen; her heart is made of ice. So if you must use this for a couples costume, your boo must dress as an ice shard.

4. Jay Gatsby

Dress in a white suit and stare yearningly out of a window for the entire party. That’s it, that’s the costume.

For You & the Boo: Your partner can come dressed as the Green Light (use a morph suit or get really creative with cardboard), and you can follow it around all night.

5. Alternative Jay Gatsby

Dress in a stylish swimsuit. Apply fake blood to your head. Come to the party soaking wet, then play dead for the rest of the evening.

For You & the Boo: The only acceptable companion costume to this is a Nick Carraway, preferably one who cries a lot and monologues the pain of losing Gatsby to anybody who will listen. Only extremely self-confident boos can be trusted with this role.

6. Sherlock Holmes

Sure, he’s a literary character beaten to death by the costume industry, but nevertheless there have been some incredibly inventive variations of this costume done by cosplayers that range from Benedict Cumberbatch’s adaptation to steampunk Holmes! You don’t have to feel trapped with the old deerstalker cap and pipe, but if you feel like using them this Halloween, you do you. If you want to get a feel for how the actual Sherlock Holmes would act and dress, you could always purchase The Legend of Sherlock Holmes from Lanternfish Press, which is coincidentally on sale. (Subtle advertising, I know.)

For You & the Boo: I’ve found Watson makes a good costume companion to Holmes, wouldn’t you say? If not, Irene Adler is always an excellent choice.

7. Dracula

Yes, yes, we know. Dracula has become so overdone and his once-terrifying tale of bloodsucking monstrosities in the heart of sexually repressed Victorian London has been cheapened to a bad toupee and a cape. But never fear! You can easily bring back the terror that once was, by going back to the original book’s descriptions. I’m talking hairy palms, red eyes, receding hairline, creepy fangs. That kind of stuff. Carry jars of dirt with you, as a vampire needs soil from its homeland to survive in another part of the world. Eat some spiders in front of people. If you’ve got a large dog, take him along for a bonus prop as a child of the night. When he howls, say “The children of the night! What music they make!” in your best Transylvanian accent.

For You & the Boo: This could go either way. You could convince your boo to dress as Mina Murray, Victorian dress and bite marks to match, or you could convince them to dress as Renfield, the bug-eater minion. I’d personally rather have my boo dressed as a helpless minion, but it’s up to you.